Tanya Bardsley

Transcript:

Henry:  Thank you, Tanya. Wonderful to see you and wonderful that you’ve agreed to become an ambassador for the charity.

Tanya: Oh, my God. I’m so happy, Henry. Thank you so much. And I really, really,  I’m honoured to be part of ADHD UK. It’s such a great charity and it really, really is making a difference. And I’m just so honoured to be part of it. Thank you. 

Henry: We’re honoured to have you as a part of it and what you’ve been doing with the documentary is spectacular. Incredibly important. 

Tanya: Hopefully, we can make a difference together. 

Henry: Absolutely looking forward to that. And thank you for agreeing to do this and being agreeing to be part of the Global ADHD Conference. And we’re thrilled about that also. These, straight into the question. The first one’s really just, it’s for people to understand, to learn about you and your ADHD. Can you tell us your ADHD story from when you first had an inkling that you had ADHD?  

Tanya: So, do you know what? I,  I never heard of girls having ADHD. So back in my, like my generation it was just sort of naughty children. But I was never really naughty. I was more like shy.  A lot going on mentally.  I was an introvert- very, very shy, but always a lot going on in my head.  I got bullied,  and growing up, I just always, there was always something like, I just felt a bit detached from normal people, normal worlds and for why they playing so effortlessly. And I find it really hard to,  and it was like, I was viewing, it was like. I was just viewing a TV of the world, and I was on my own, sort of thing.  I didn’t think anything of it, but I just thought that was normal.  And it was when I was 19, I was,  I went to the doctors depression, anxiety, and they gave me antidepressants. And the GP just sort of threw these antidepressants at me. And this went on for, well, 20 years, 21 years. And it was when I got to nearly 40,  And all these antidepressants, I was just trialling and coming off them and having like bad side effects.  And,  I paid private to go and see a specialist because I thought I can’t live this anxiety anymore. I was picking my fingers till they bleed and I was, my head, my inner thoughts were just,  it’s like literally 20 TVs on in my head, all shouting and,  and my leg was going and I didn’t realize any of that at the time.  So when I went to the specialist about it, anxiety, he watched me for an hour and I kept, he just watched me very closely.

And he said, have you ever thought if you ever, has anyone ever told you that you could have ADHD? And I was like,  no. And I was shocked. So when I went home to tell my mom and Phil, and I was like, the doctor thinks I’ve got ADHD. Cause I thought my mom was going to say,  you have not got that. I thought she was going to go mad and she went. I’ve always known there was something. It’s like, well, why did you take me? Because it just wasn’t a thing. It’s just you’ve never heard of girls having it.  And do you know what? When I found out that I did all the tests and everything and I’ve got it on high spectrum,  it was a relief. It was like a, “Oh, thank God”. I was, I was happy. 

Henry: Yeah, some people, like they talk about being a relief, but also a sadness.  Did you have that?

Tanya: Do you know, a lot, like, a lot of people say they have sadness and they’re scared and but I, I just had complete relief. I had to because I’d felt so alone, so, so just not right, so not normal, so not. And I just felt complete happiness and sort of when I met other people with ADHD, I felt like, oh, I feel connected to someone. I felt alone all my life and now when I meet someone else with ADHD,  I feel like Oh,  even if we don’t get on, even like if I’ve just met them, I just feel like, oh, it’s by my people. 

Henry: When you were trying to explain ADHD, how do you explain  it? 

Tanya: It’s so hard to explain ADHD, but it is like I’ve got 17 TVs on in my head and,  they never switch off.  And I call them like the genius ideas. I, I can have about seven genius ideas of business ideas in a day. And I’ll get so excited and I’ll think I’m going to do this. I’m going to do that.  And then when I do all of that and I’ll promise this, I’ll promise that. And then all of a sudden I’ve overwhelmed myself. Like, and that’s why I’ve got so many businesses. I’m hyper-focused. I’m on it.  Everything’s colorful, and I’m just like zooming away. And then all of a sudden, boom! Overwhelmed, and I’m just completely inner paralyzed.  And it’s sort of, I’m in between those two worlds. And that’s how it’s so hard to,  it’s like an inner restlessness.  

Henry: It is hard to talk about. 

Tanya: It’s so hard. 

Henry: That’s why it’s a core question.  We want to get as many people giving an explanation. 

Tanya: Because it’s like you’re either hyper or you’re just completely can’t move. And it’s,  but I’m not hyper whereas, Where I’m running around, it’s my, my head and no one can see it. So loads of people say, well, ADHD. Like my husband goes,  where’s your hyperness? It’s in my head.  And do you know what? Some, one of the worst traits that I’ve always had and I realize it now is,  say when I was bullied and I can hyper, I was hyper-focusing on people, what people thought of me. So then I was  sort of talking myself into a black hole and now, so I have to really, really brainwash myself with positivity. Otherwise I can hyper-focus on, they think this about me, they think that about me, this, this, this, I’m not good enough. I can, if I hyper-focus on one by four and I can just. And I can’t get off that train. So now I catch myself and I get myself off that train.  Lying down, meditation. I’m just sort of brainwashing.

I have to brainwash myself because that hyper-focus that goes down that negative train is hard to,  it can take you to a really dark place if you, if, if you don’t know that you’re hyper focusing on this, on this dark stuff. And I’ve took myself down to almost suicide by doing that.  So that’s my number one thing is. And that’s why I think being diagnosed is so important to realize hyperfocus. You can’t, you don’t just hyper-focus on, you know, on. On like social media, they go, Oh, you had focusing on hobbies. You can hyper focus on negative stuff that can take you down, down, down, down, down. So that’s it. Recognize that and get yourself off that. 

Henry: Thank you. Thank you for sharing that and sharing about where you’re, where you’re, where you’re feeling through it on that. This is important. Would you be happy to share your medication story?  

Tanya: Yeah, so, I was really excited to start my medication because I thought, oh my God, I’ve got ADHD, and the psychiatrist is going to give me these pills, and I’m going to be fixed. 

I tried the first one, and God, I was happy. I had no mental chatter. I was relaxed, but I was sort of like,  I sat like that. I was so calm, so happy,  but I was filming for a TV show and it needed personality and it needed me to speak and move, but I just sat like that,  zoned out. So I can’t, I can’t earn money or,  it just took away anything. Internally, I was happy and probably when, when I would get to about 95, I’m going to re-find those tablets and just sit like happy, but I’m not 95 and you know, I need, I still need to be me, not just this zombie,  even though internally I was happy, so I tried the next one, and then that was giving me a dry mouth, and I was doing like, really really biting my nails, and,  and one of them actually, the lip came off, and I was like, ah, ah, ah, and that’s not a good look, so they had to go, and then the third ones I kept having heart palpitations and I didn’t realize at the time, but looking back  I was forgetting to eat,  and then I kept going. But then I was hyper-focused, so I thought this is great. I’m getting loads of work done.  And yeah.  Because I thought the other two were not so good. I was getting so much work done. I kept going, oh my God, my heart. But just working through it and not eating.  And ended up having a seizure.  Which really scared my friends and family, and me, of course. 

So after recovering with that, I just, I had to come off the medication. I think it was just too much to, and being given antidepressants since for 20, 20 years, when I haven’t got anxiety and depression, it was ADHD, I think the chemicals in my brain, it was just too much, and.  Yeah, I had a seizure. So now I,  I do the natural route, which I’m not about natural Henry at all. I’m about implants, veneers. There’s nothing natural about me apart from my ADHD medication, which shocks everyone.  Yeah, so I might meditate. I wake up in the morning and I’m religious, so I have to stick my earphones in, meditate, and I pray, which is just quieting my mind down. The cold showers. Cold showers. I hate them. They’re so good. Exercise. I hate exercise, but I have to exercise every day. I have to have a routine, and I have to sleep.  I’m like a baby, so I have to have my sleep and it’s eating, and it’s doing all the things that everyone knows they should do, but they don’t do, but you have to do them. Otherwise if you don’t have routine, my life is just gonna go into toxic mess, chaos.  So I’ve got a choice, I have my routine, it’s the little things that add up to a nice life. Or if I just let my, if I just  Yeah, it’s routine or chaos. That’s the choice I’ve got. 

Henry: Thank you and I love that phrase, it’s routine or chaos. Which will particularly resonate, presumably with you, for any parent of an ADHD kid. 

Tanya: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 

Henry: And adults just as much. You talked about, you touched on it a bit, like, how your ADHD has impacted, impacted your work.  And,  I suppose the wider question  on  how do you think  being ADHD and being in, in, in the media, being on TV, I think that’s a good idea or a bad idea, or what’s your view?

Tanya: I think,  do you know, I’ve got two.  I’ve got two mindsets about people with ADHD being on TV and it depends on their core personality, really.  It’s such a hard one because you can have a nice person with ADHD and you can have a I  don’t really know where I stand with it, but I do think that  ADHD.  It’s hard because  off camera 

Henry: What would your advice be for someone with ADHD looking to pursue a career in TV? We obviously as a charity, like, we support people getting into TV. We want to see those people represented. 

Tanya: Yeah, definitely. But also like –  Also, I think channels have to look after, because sometimes you can impulsively say,  or act things.  Because as scientists say, we have a think it. But I suppose that’s when you’re younger, like now. I wouldn’t,  it’s really hard to, god I’m being so ADHD right now.  I’ve got so many, so many conversations going on in my head. But  I,  I think ADHD,  you should be able to do whatever the hell you want,  no, no matter what.  But I also, my modern instinct is, look after them. The channels, look after them.  If they say something they don’t mean because it’s just impulse, then don’t show that and hang them out to dry. That’s what I’m, that’s what I’m, that’s what I’m trying to say.  

Henry: Thank you.  What would a young,  undiagnosed Tanya think of you now?  

Tanya: I think,  I think she’d probably, I think she’d be proud. I think she’d be proud.  And I think she’d probably think she’s not grown up.  I’m still the same me. And I think,  I think that’s one of my good characters is I’m still young at heart. 

Henry: That young Tanya, what would you say to them?  

Tanya: I’d probably put my hand over their mouth. Just say, don’t say it.  Think.  Do the CBT.  Think before you speak.  No, I’d like to cuddle her.  And I’d like to just stroke her head and all those thoughts and all those, all those horrible thoughts and just give her a cuddle and just say, it’s, it’s okay. It’s okay. 

Henry: Can you tell us why you did it?  What, like,  if any, what your views of ADHD have, have changed from doing it?  

Tanya: So I had to  I was on a reality show for seven years and oh, it’s someone’s birthday. It’s not my birthday, everyone. 

Henry: Oh, we have a little pause. There’s a second part to that also, which is what was the most surprising revelation? Was there anything, was there a particular?  Scroll back to me like you’ve done it. Documentary.  

Tanya: So I was on a TV show for seven years,  and I was loads of side effects with the antidepressants and everything. And,  and that’s when things got really, my anxiety got really bad, was filming.  And I was just struggling with everyday life. And and it was when I was on the show that I discovered that I had ADHD.  And I was struggling with that medication and I just thought I need to be able to control myself.  I, I need to be in control of my life and my,  ADHD before I can film anymore.  So I left.  Which gave me more time and then I got off the documentary and I jumped at the chance because I thought it’s going to lead me to amazing people, which it has with you, Henry. And I’ve been on a journey and I knew I had ADHD, but I had a lot to learn. I mean, I.  Nearly 40, I’ve just been told I’ve got ADHD.  And this is going to be the chance to go on a journey and learn more about it and learn more about the different aspects of it and meet lots of different people with it.  And I’m babbling on in an ADHD way.  But yeah, it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. 

Henry: It’s a big deal when you’re telling the world you’ve got ADHD. Like it generally it is a big deal. And  it means a lot to a lot of people. As you’ve come out talking about your ADHD,  have you, what are the sort of positives and negatives you found about from that?  

Tanya: I was so scared about coming out that ADHD because I thought, are people gonna think I’m just a nutter and are people gonna see me different? And I thought everyone’s always said I’m a nutter anyway, so what? And do you know what it’s, I’ve had nothing but positivity, and there are thousands, hundreds of thousands of messages straight away. I think I have got it. I’ve always known what you said has resonated. My son, my daughter everyone,  somehow has got a story about ADHD relating to them and wanting to know more information. And that’s why I was so keen on doing the documentary because so many people have so many questions that are unanswered, including myself. 

Henry: Thank you.  Do you have a favourite ADHD strategy?  

Tanya: My favourite ADHD strategy is,  praying to God. And it’s not really God, it’s a higher power.  I’m not really religious, but I get on my hands and knees, and sort of my hands near my heart. It’s more of a meditation but in a prayer pose.  And it’s just It’s more breathing, really. And it’s just focusing on what I want instead of, because you could, that hyper-focus can take you down. And if I get on my hands and knees, it’s more of a change in my state, change in my pose that will take me out of that sort of change in the hyper focus of negativity.  So it’s knees, hands, and, and just that, and a cold shower. There’s nothing like shaking your brain out of a negative hyperfocus on the cold shower, but it really does work.  It’s not like I’m doing anything. And it burns fat. 

Henry: It’s a hard humour. Last question, so this is a wow, it’s a traditional last question. What impact of your ADHD has made you saddest? And what has made you happiest?  And if you could do sadness first, and happiest last, so we end on a high note.

Tanya: What impact has my ADHD, my, my personal ADH?

Henry: Yeah, your ADHD had made you saddest.

Tanya: Okay. So one that’s made me saddest is seeing my mom and dad’s face when they knew that I tried to take my own life.  Because nothing can, I just can’t even imagine what it would be like if I knew that my, one of my babies has tried to take their own life. I’d be, I’d just be,  and they’ve given me nothing but amazing, amazing life and it’s just an internal struggle that I knew nothing about and they knew nothing about.  I mean, they always knew that  I had something not. But yeah, that’s the saddest thing was seeing the sadness in their eyes. 

But the happiest thing, the happiest thing,  is doing this documentary and, and saying,  finding out basically, I think God put me in, I say God, my higher power was whoever I pray to,  put me on the show and I discovered ADHD so that I could tell other people and my story could, I feel like we’re all learning as we go along, the people who’ve been messaging me, anyway, there’s thousands and thousands of ladies and, and, and men. I’m babbling on because I’m just, I’ve been sidetracked by the first bit of that. Yeah. Yeah.  

Henry: Thanks for sharing the first bit. It’s quite. 

Tanya: Yeah. Yeah, but it does get better. It does get better. And I think the more work we do, the more community we can grow, the more people will know about it. And I’m babbling on again. 

Henry: How does it make you feel to know that you’ve got this  ADHD learning and understanding and being able to help yourself? 

Tanya: Yeah, I think, do you know what, as soon as I recognized the signs of my son, like,  well, he’s always had it, but it took till I got diagnosed for me to, it’s only when everyone was going, me and Rocco have always been the same, like our anger outbursts, or like, ah! Or,  everything about us has always been the same. So he wouldn’t have been diagnosed if I hadn’t have been.  So he could have easily gone through the same pain that I did.  So I feel really, really lucky that,  hopefully, touch wood, that,  he’ll never tell me that he’s had to try to take his own life, like my mum and dad had to find out. Hopefully. 

Henry: Thank you so much for sharing all of that. Thank you for all you’ve been doing. 

Tanya: No, thank you, Henry. You’re making such a big difference and I really appreciate it. You’re just making such a big community and I think it’s, I think it’s brilliant. None of us are on our own. We’ve all got each other. Yeah. 

Henry: We are a gang together. It is a wonderful thing. Thank you very much. Thank you for all you do. Thank you for the documentary you’re doing, for the work you’re doing, for being an ambassador. 

Tanya: Oh, thank you, Henry. Thank you. 

Henry: Thanks.