Transcript:
Why are you becoming an Ambassador for ADHD UK?
I’m becoming an advocate for ADHD UK because I felt there wasn’t enough kind of awareness and visibility of support groups out there in the UK today. Certainly, when I was looking online, it was few and far between. There seemed to be a fair amount of support in America, but over here, it was very, very limited and especially locally in my day in Scotland, there really wasn’t much at all. So I thought I’ll pick one that looks really kind of forward thinking. And I, I noticed that ADHD UK had an option to become more than just a volunteer or, you know, a, a member of a charity without any kind of anything else. So that’s why I wanna spread the word. I I deal with a lot of companies in, in the UK being in sales myself. So, although I’m not part of one big, huge organization, I speak to a lot of companies and I know there’s a lot of staff in those companies just by facts and figures that, that will have a DHD or might not know they’ve got a DHD and they’ll be struggling every single day. And it’s horrendous if, if you, if you don’t know about that, as I didn’t know in my career for almost 10 years that I was struggling with it. So I think if, if there’s an opportunity to get out there and spread the word and advocate for this charity and make people aware, not just people with it, but people that don’t understand it or the traits being highlighted as negative or, you know, potentially unemployable then that’s something I’d really, really like to play a part in, in changing. To me, what it means to have EDC today. It’s shame, it’s guilt, it’s silence, because the fear of coming forward and coming out as it were, because there’s so much negative stigma attached to ADHD. It’s almost better to just kind of big boys don’t cry and, and shut up and don’t talk about it. You get your head down, you know, drive through the barriers, but that’s, that’s hard. That’s really, really hard especially for people with ADHD, so it’s. To me, it’s about raising awareness and getting the word and spreading the word and telling people it’s okay to have it and it’s not a negative thing and it’s not, it’s not something you should walk away from as an employer, quite the opposite in fact, especially, especially, you know, in this day and age. And so that’s what it means to me, and that’s why I’m becoming an advocate.
Tell us about your diagnosis journey.
It all started when my childhood friends took his own life. And I I wondered then if there was something that I should be more aware about in my mid-twenties. So, I kind of always knew there was something different. Just by not really relating to things or the complaints people had. So I got a couple of books about mental health, and specifically for my daughter, to try and, you know, healthy, healthy mind, healthy child and all that sort of stuff. And the more I read about it, I was like, there’s more to this I think than kind of meets my eye. And I was struggling just with basic stuff all the time and I wasn’t getting better at it. I thought, how can I not be getting better at this really simple stuff? You know, I must be reallstupid, like breathtakingly stupid not to be able to cope with just normal stuff. And because it was kind of the, you know, I’d had first hand experience of that and it was, the word on people’s lips in Dundee especially, it’s got quite a high suicide rate and it’s not exactly the most affluent of areas and whatnot. So I bought a couple of books on, on depression and you know, I wasn’t getting on well in my relationship my marriage at the time, and I thought, I must be depressed. I don’t know what else it could be. So I went to the doctors and just tried to fumble my way through an explanation of no motivation and can’t really get out of bed, don’t want to get out of bed, and immediately they just went antidepressants. So, from there, that was like the worst thing I could have done because it, it amplified all the things that, that I struggled with in the first place. And I was like, this is supposed to, this is not supposed to make things better. And it just made it worse and worse and worse. And I was on mind, I think it was, just trying to find out if there was a specific type of something that it wasn’t treating. And I saw like the symptoms of ADHD and I was like, holy moly, that is, that is exactly what I have. Wow. That’s incredible. So I said to my now ex wife, I think it might be this, you know, not these tablets. And she’s like, well, just keep taking the tablets and go and ask the doctor about a psychiatrist appointment. And the appointment they gave me was nine months away. They had the option to go private, but there’s a lot of money for potentially, you know, something that might not, might not come to anything.
And at the time, as a young family, it was like, well, you can’t really afford to do things like that. And I think it was 350 or something for the initial assessment. So waited the nine months, on those tablets. And in that time, the marriage completely broke down, split up with my ex wife and went to live back with my dad. And that was my route to diagnosis. I had to go through a questionnaire with my mum, which was. awful because it was just so obvious and it was like, you know, why, why did you not highlight it? And it was just, it was, it was just like, well, just by being, oh, you know, what more, what more is there? You know, most people want to put the label on things, you know, it’s just, you were a difficult child and it’s like, Jesus, that doesn’t make it any easier.
So did that and then got put on, I think it was Ritalin for about two days and then got changed to Concerta. And that was, that was that left. Because it was a locum that diagnosed me. So when I went back, I think there’s supposed to be a thing called titration. I never had that. So I just was left on these tablets and went back after six months, and it was another locum who didn’t really understand. I didn’t think that they understood what I was telling them. So. That was really unhelpful and I was just kind of left, so I bought books different to Distraction and other, other books like that to try and understand it a bit better. But it’s all very well reading it, but it’s being aware of those things and putting them into practice. It’s so, so difficult when you don’t. And then the pandemic came and I changed GP practice, so I didn’t realize, but that changes you in, in my area, that changes you hospital, psychiatric hospital. So I wasn’t on any, anybody’s list. because it got lost in there. So I hadn’t, I hadn’t seen anybody for two and a half years and I thought, right, okay, probably because I was having side effects and stuff like this. I need to, they told me six months and I haven’t seen anybody in two and a half years. So called them up and they’d been lost in the system. So I got put at the back of the new client waiting list again. So another 12 months. And that’s just to get a review for something that they put me on. So it’s been a horrendous experience, just awful, really, really awful. And in that time, obviously, it’s, it’s been like a complete rollercoaster of things, what’s the side effect, what isn’t a side effect, coming off the tablets, going back on them no, no support whatsoever apart from groups and forums. And again, that’s another reason why becoming an advocate of ADHD UK is important to me because I struggled, you know, I really did struggle with, with just the complete lack of support and knowledge. And I thought I knew about it because of the stuff I’d read, but that’s really, really different to being aware of your own behaviors and your own insights into your own way of doing things. So it’s not been a pleasant experience. It almost was like, there’s an answer, and all those questions you’ve got now, that are different to the questions you had before, good luck. So it’s been pretty tough.
The impact of ADHD and resultant increased risk of suicide is an important topic. Have you ever had suicidal thoughts?
All the time, because you’re, the way I experience things is so raw, when you kind of get comfortable, just thinking it would be so much easier if I wasn’t here, or that wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t here, and you take the blame for everything because of, well that’s all you know. You know, it’s always your fault because there isn’t anybody else to say no, it’s not, or that’s fine that that happened, it’s okay, we understand you know, you’re, you’re useless, you’re ignorant, you’re, thoughtless, careless, clumsy, stupid, lazy, you know, when you’re bombarded with these things almost on a daily basis, you have no other perception or the way you interface with reality is just still negative.
And that takes its toll, you know, it’s hard to live every day like that. So yeah, of course, it’s, it’s, it’s almost natural when something goes slightly wrong, for me to then perceive that as horrifically wrong, like that is a, that’s a terminal problem now that can’t be undone. And when you live in the now, it’s now or not now, with me and I’m sure a lot of other people as well, is, you can’t see past that. It’s, it’s such a barrier to. moving forward, whereas I’m sure if neurotypical people wouldn’t, they’d be like, okay, well, that’s, that’s rubbish and I need to do A, B and C. I’ll start with A and then I’ll go to B and then I’ll go to C to get around this. To me, that’s an overwhelming barrier that just cannot be climbed. And it’s why I can, bizarrely, it’s also why I can have a horrible day and then just clean slate it the next day. And it’s also why I’ve maybe stayed in like bad jobs or bad relationships. Because, it’s like, hello, how can you put up with that every day? It’s like, well, to me it’s just a day, and then another day, and another day. And you, I don’t know if it’s maybe just me or ADHD, but, it’s a new day. And it seems to me like the previous day hasn’t made that any better or worse. There’s not, it’s like, well, it’s a new day. And I know that sounds quite counterintuitive to what I’ve just said, but within the scope of that day you can go from huge deletion to devastating and not want to be here anymore. You know, to the point of you really thinking about, right, what way do I want to go? And it’s just, it shouldn’t be like that. It really shouldn’t be like that. But like I say, when you’re in your own head, you don’t really have, there’s no ascending board. There’s no mirror to go. You’re just being completely crazy with that kind of thought. And you just can’t kind of escape it. So it does, it’s kind of a constant flow of, extreme thoughts, I would context. And the real tragedy for me thinking about that more is, there is a lot of people that will have taken their own lives because of just raw emotion. And that is so tragic because when you think about that, all that was needed was a voice or an outlet to go, you know, it doesn’t have to be like this.
So that’s the way you come out, come out your thoughts now. It’s not as bad as what you think. And with a better understanding, I think of those emotions and people with ADHD. There wouldn’t be such a high suicide rate, because, because it’s felt so raw, it just, it feels like that’s the only thing to do now. Logic is, that, that’s it, because I’ve exhausted everything else. The truth is, I really haven’t. You know, it’s, it’s not as bad as it seems at all. And you just wish you could kind of see that, but it, when you’re on your own, it doesn’t really hold any, any weight at all. That’s the thing is, your own thoughts just get completely over, overrode by the tidal wave of negativity. And it’s not just slight, it’s intense, it’s like a crushing. We are absolutely extremely river of, of cascading thoughts that just get worse and worse and worse and worse, the longer that you have to have this thought for. And it’s really hard to break out of. So, yeah, I imagine a lot of people with ADHD do have those thoughts, and it’s just totally unnecessary, which is, which is a real shame because the rate is very high and that needs to change.
What would you like to tell people generally about your ADHD?
I would like to tell people that all the negative. So the one thing I don’t like, the one thing I hate the most is lazy. I think because if people knew how hard, from my own experience, I tried to fit in with the swirl that we’ve designed for ourselves. That is not a word that would get put anywhere near me. However, from an outside pair of eyes, you might throw into, into question that statement, because ruminating on the sofa, having to force yourself to get up to do, to do things might for all the world look like laziness from, from the outside, but it most certainly isn’t. It’s a very internal, an internal thing, I think. People just assume it’s a young kid running about screaming, you know, swinging from the lamps, but the reality is a lot of it’s inside that you can’t see, you know, you can’t see the the 30 radio stations all playing different channels at the one time and not being able to listen.
You can’t see, it’s not a choice. I think is the big message is I’m not choosing to not listen or I’m not choosing to not do that or, it seems like rambling there, but I guess that’s, that’s exactly the point is it’s, it’s hard to quantify. But I’d like to tell people that it’s not a negative thing. And it’s not what you think it is. Because I haven’t told really many people about this at all that I’ve got this, because, because of the stigmas and the negative connotations attached to it, and the fact that, you know, potentially negative behaviours could be just labelled as that. It’s a very complex and confusing thing, even for people with it. So, it’s not unusual. or it’s not, it’s not horrible to think that people don’t understand it because even people with it as, as, you know, me speaking from personal experience, it’s a confusing thing. Oh my God, it’s a confusing thing to have never meant to experience, you know, as a partner or a parent or a sibling or a friend because the way other people behave and do things and the way people with ADHD behave and do things, it must be confusing to, to experience that. Because Black is not always black and white is not always white and I sometimes do things that the outcome isn’t always the intended outcome or I do things and I don’t expect that as a consequence. So yeah, it’s just patience I guess would be required but I think educating people more that it’s not running about with pots and pans and smashing them into, you know, covers.
It’s, it’s definitely an internal struggle with emotions and self regulation and self awareness and, you know, I don’t always know the consequences of my own behaviours, and it’s like, how could you not know that? Well, because I’ve got ADHD, that’s why. And that’s why I think there’s a lot of negative connotations with it, because it looks, potentially looks from the outside, if you don’t want to engage with it any further, that, you know, that person is strange, they’re distant sometimes, but also overly friendly other times, and they’re warm and they’re cold, and they’re, you know, really enthusiastic and then almost oppressive, and it’s just a, it’s a disorder of complete polar opposites. And depending on what opposite you get on any given day, that must make it hard to end up with. But if people knew and people weren’t so ashamed to say, look, I have this and this is what it means, here’s the battle card with how it works, do you understand that? Is that okay? Then I think the world would be a better place for us because we don’t have to consistently and constantly explain why we do the things we do because we can’t really. And that makes it hilarious when you try to. So it’s, yeah, it’s difficult.
What would you like to tell your employers about your ADHD?
I’ve just recently got a new job, which makes it hard to give a really in depth, detailed answer to that, but I can over the course of my career. If I didn’t know in that whole time, what I would have told them is that people with ADHD are assets. The one thing that our whole education system is designed to do is stamp out creativity and stamp out ideas and make you follow a factory line. And if your, if your job is to get from A to B. fine, you know, don’t question anything, do what you’re told, and exist, and a lot of people are happy with that, and that sometimes is what business owners or organizations want from their staff, it’s very well defined, this is what we do, this is how we do it, great, but where that’s not the case, and you need ideas, and you need creativity, and you need somebody to think outside the box, or people to think outside the box, then the person with ADHD just might be the answer to that problem that you can’t solve.
And if we stripped away the fear of, you know, coming forward and saying, this is, this is what I need for my working environment. You know, I might need it a bit different to everybody else, but even when you look at what would benefit somebody that used to in the workplace, it would benefit everybody if the workplace was like that. Which makes it even more frustrating, really. But yeah, I mean, certainly it’s. What they think it is, is what it’s not. And it’s all the traits, those negative connotations, the things like laziness and the, the shooting from the hip and, you know, not thinking before you speak and all that sort of stuff. It scares people because they immediately think, well, why would I want that in front of my clients?
But that’s missing the point completely and doing a complete disservice to people with ADHD because it’s those people that essentially, I mean, businesses are there to solve problems. It’s as simple as that. And if you can’t find a solution to a problem, you’re no longer relevant. And the person really thinks, weirdly and strangely enough, potentially be the answer to that problem you’ve been looking for. And they need a different environment. And the traditional workplace, nine to five, sitting in a cubicle, or it’s really, doesn’t really work or serve us best. It’s the wrong environment for us to flourish. And then they wonder why, you know, we’re gonna have to let you go. We’re gonna have to fire you. You’ve not had your metrics, your KPIs, whatever else it is. If they knew that that person was probably better served in this function or that function, I mean, at the end of the day, does everybody not want what’s best for their employees because they’re there to make the money, essentially. And if we gave them the right tools and the right environment to do that. I just can’t see how that would be a bad thing. But again, it’s that basic fundamental misunderstanding of what is ADHD. Because the first thing that jumps into people’s mind is disruptive and lazy and. can’t concentrate, can’t focus, doesn’t care, and all these negative things. Well, I’m sorry, but that just is not true. Not true at all. Just need a chance and, and support. And so, and it might not work in, in certain, you know, certain careers, certain, industries. It might, it might just not work, but that’s fine because we know that, they know that, everybody’s happy then, and you can kind of go towards the environment or the, the career that you’re And how could, how could an employer not like that? You know, it’s That’s what I’d like to tell, not maybe just my employers, but all the employers in the UK, that if you put a square peg in their envelope, of course it’s not going to fit, but matching, and I’m a big fan of like, personality traits and, you know, the, the basic things, the questions you can ask people to try and find out what, where they might be best suited. I think at a very base level, it’s, it’s not attentive enough, and there should be more of that potentially and then matching people up with the careers that they’re suited for. I think that would be a really, really good thing to do and I know a lot of bigger organizations are doing that to try and kind of match people to their best stereotype career. This is a really good thing because it saves the pain of having to struggle through that. But yeah, I think employers need to know more about what it means to have ADHD and they definitely need to know more about what it means to be able to support somebody with it because that might just be the diamond in the rough that they’ve been looking for.
What would you like to tell your school about your ADHD?
I went to a Catholic school, but I am a Protestant. Now to me, I didn’t know or care about any of that stuff, because I mean, church was boring, that’s not something I took from it. So I was kind of an outcast anyway, but that was just compounding it, because the whole point, certainly about that school, is head down, do the work, you know, be a good kid, and that’s it, you know, it’s completely subservient, it was hell. I cannot tell you enough how much I hated school. It was just rubbish, so I don’t even know what I’d like to tell him, but the support just wasn’t there at all. I mean, I don’t know if it was a religious thing, maybe, I’m not sure, but it was just like, don’t mention anything, just, you know, keep your head down and do the work and it’ll be fine. Sort of predictably, failed everything, didn’t leave with any real qualifications at all but yeah, I mean, it’s, it’s trying to, I think a lot of ADHD is genetic but environmental as well. And especially now in the age of the disrupted parent, what’s this going to look like in 20 years time is quite a scary thought. I do, I just think again, the same as the workplace is the support and the education needs to be there. The worst thing for a parent is to have a disruptive child, no doubt. That must be really hard, especially when you look at the crushing pressures, the cost of living crisis and the pandemic and. Everything else that’s been on the shoulders of parents, how they can then provide the support for their own children, never mind a child with ADHD or children with ADHD as well. I just, I can’t, I can’t, in my head I can’t see how that can end well. And I think it’s going to compound right the way through, you know, education through the workplace. To the NHS and the support that people need. It’s just, I can’t see how it’s going to get better if it stays the way it is, especially when people are not talking about this enough, because I think this is, you only know about the people that are diagnosed. And all those people are struggling with life and the kids are struggling at school and, you know, parents or teachers or might not want a label put on the child, you know, and they might not have time to even spot just with having two jobs. so much. or whatever other struggles that’s going on. But the school, the schools could do better.
The schools could definitely do better. I think they’ve made great steps with autism and, and support for that, but they need to do the same with, with ADHD as well, because it’s a very, very different thing. I know you can have both, but the needs and requirements of a child with ADHD just aren’t, aren’t acknowledged at all. And that needs, again, that needs, that needs to change. It needs to be education. It needs to be okay for your child to have that and be diagnosed with that. That’s okay, is what I would like to tell parents. It’s like, there’s no, it’s not a bad thing and if you can get the support early enough that’s a good thing because they’re the ones that will have the ideas and have the brainstorms that neurotypical people might not have or might struggle with. So, yeah, it’s okay to have it and we need to get more support.
What would you like to tell the NHS about your ADHD?
About my ADHD, that you can’t just give a diagnosis and leave it. I can’t believe that is even a thing because I know a lot of people must be diagnosed with things like chronic, chronic pain, illness or autoimmune disease. My partner has celiac disease and it was very much a case of you’ve got this, good luck. And it’s just, is that really the way we should be supporting our, our nation? I mean, I just can’t believe it’s, it’s like, there’s the diagnosis now, go into the wild and good luck with everything. There’s, I can’t even remember if I got a note, like a booklet or, or anything. But even still, that’s the assumption that the person will read it, or a book, that they will read it. And if, again, if they read it, will they understand it? And I, like I say, I thought I’d made great steps in understanding what ADHD meant to me, and I read some of the books, and I thought, great, I understand now. I did not have a clue, because your lived experience is so difficult to, to, I guess, understand in, in relation to what a book says. You really need the support of a person there, because we struggle with, like, deep thought, and, and challenging thoughts. It just flows. It’s just a constant flow of stuff, and it’s really hard to kind of stop and pause and go, right, what did this mean? Why did I do that? Or why do I think I want to do that? Or should I do that? Or should I not do that? Or all these other things that you really have to kind of learn, not to control, but just to be aware of. That would have been so useful, or like a, even a 10-minute phone call. And that’s why I was looking at ADHD coaching, which again, I didn’t even know was a thing until like three, four weeks ago, but a lot of the books that you read about motivation or about drive, you end up hating yourself even more because it’s written for a neurotypical person. And it’s, it’s like the suggestions that are thrown out there, you know, make more lists and, you know, just, it’s just a mindset thing and it’s just this and that and everything else and you read it and go, really suck. But it’s just because, because of ADHD. And again, you end up confusing yourself because you don’t know what’s real, what’s not, what’s ADHD, is it me, is it that, is it both?
It’s very confusing. So yeah, you get an answer from your diagnosis, but you do not get any answers to the further questions that come in. My God, there’s a lot of questions that come after that. So, that, that for me was really difficult to have no support whatsoever. And even if it meant we don’t provide this, however, you know, wink, wink, this is what we would do if we did. Like, you know, there’s some coaches, you can look at coaching, you can look at maybe this type of counselling or therapy, or, you know, these are some books we would suggest, or here’s some support groups, or here’s some person on the internet that does video blogs. Anything, literally anything, would have been more useful than what I got, which was nothing. But again, I don’t know if that’s a symptom of the NHS being sick, but what does that lead to? That leads to, you know, Drug abuse, alcohol abuse, failed relationships, trauma for the next generation, children it leads to self harm, it leads to suicide, it leads to, you know, unemployment, it leads to jail, you know, so I can’t, it’s such a short sighted. If you look at the cost of not supporting people through this diagnosis, and then you look at the cost of supporting them, I can almost guarantee that it would be so much less and the impacts on all those things, as you mentioned, would be so much less if we just kind of supported children and supported adults through this. Because the impact, if not, is massive and it’s just hard to then quantify it back to that. But I bet you could, I bet you could easily do that and I bet it would be very, very frightening indeed to know the cost of not supporting people as opposed to the cost of just, you know, supplying a coach or, I mean, I think, just imagine how much more positive. For example, like the workforce would be, and I know there’s the access to work scheme, but if workers got the support of like a weekly call with a coach to kind of reflect back their working week or, you know, here’s what we need to work on and how much more productive and positive the outlooks would be for a lot of people in that situation. But again, it’s, it’s ignorance, underfunding, bigger problems, all that sort of stuff. But again, it doesn’t help the compounding end result of that, which are all these horrible things, offenses. You know, split families, abuse, alcohol addiction, drug addiction, you know, what are the costs we’re in? So, yeah, that’s what NHS, is we need to do more, and it’s not a lot. God, it’s not a lot.
What would you like to tell your friends about your ADHD?
I’d like to tell my friends that I’m not ignoring them, or bad at messaging, or bad at arranging stuff, or organizing stuff. It doesn’t mean I don’t care. Again, it kind of flips back to that. It’s not careless, thoughtless things. It’s, it’s really not, it’s just a lot of my thoughts are taken up with, I’ve just spent half an hour looking at a fridge with like three things in it and I don’t know what to have for dinner. Not, you know, positive stuff like, you know, what can we do at the weekend or where do I organize this thing? I think what people don’t realize is when I do actually organize something, the amount of effort that’s taken and the consequences of that, as in like everything else is falling apart, but I’ve managed to do this one thing well, so go me, it’s just, it’s just hard to do the basic things, right? And it might come, it might look like from the outside, you know, never message back or takes ages to message back or never suggests anything or Or then the other way, like too much, you know, every day, this, that, this, you know, let’s do this. It can be, again, it can be quite difficult to interpret that. A couple of my friends do know that I’ve got it, and I don’t really think that makes too much difference. Apart from maybe there’s like a weird swinging behaviours, that’s alright, that’s down to that, that’s fine. But, yeah, it’s just, again, an understanding thing, it’s all, all, all, I’m sure all anybody with ADHD wants is just to be understood and accepted. Without that need to feel constantly disappointed that you’ve not done something, or that you’ve done something and not predicted what the consequences of that would be.
So, yeah, my friends have been quite understanding about it to be fair. So not much, but I’m sure there’s people out there that haven’t told their friends or they might struggle with friendships in general or any, any sort of relationship at all, but it is, it is a difficult one to understand. And we don’t expect you to understand it, or, you know, fully get it because it’s really hard to explain but just know that, and then ask, you know, if I think one thing people don’t do is they assume a lot of behaviors. And by that I mean, if I don’t Or if anybody doesn’t message back for a while, it’s not because they’re ignoring you, it’s probably because they’re being overwhelmed or slumped with a million and one thoughts. So just ask. I mean, I know a lot of people don’t do that anyway, but like for me, there’s nothing wrong with asking me any sort of question. Did you, did you know you forgot my birthday? You know, shit, I did. Really sorry about that. This is why, because I was like. Down the rabbit hole on YouTube about how rabbits live or something, completely random, and it’s not my fault, I’m really sorry, but I’ll make it up to you, rather than just taking it as, they forgot my birthday, they must be a horrible person, don’t want to speak to them anymore, goodbye. You know, and it’s just that, you know, I can totally understand how you can come to conclusions with certain behaviours, but as a friend, Just ask them, ask, ask the person with ADHD, you know, did you mean to do that? Or did you know that would happen if you did this? The realization that then when that’s reflected back, it’s like, Oh my God, no, I really didn’t.And I’m so sorry or whatever else, you know, even in a positive way, but it’s just ask, that’s all I did. I mean, not that I need to do that. And I know that can be quite like, for God’s sake, but, when something really kind of bad happens to an outcome. Most of the time it was never intentional, never intentional, because it’s like, can’t see further than that. You can’t see three or four steps down the line. And that makes it quite hard to, to have a friendship. Definitely does make it quite hard to have a friendship and like the natural thing to do would be this. Don’t don’t really get up. You don’t really think like. That would be a nice thing to do. Sometimes you do, but most of the time you’re thinking about completely random stuff or just nothing at all. And that, that makes it hard to be aware and self aware of the environment and stuff around you, which makes it then potentially hard to be a good friend if you’re not paying attention to things and spotting things that, oh, that’s a really thoughtful thing to do. Like when I do something like that, that’s like an extreme, my God, I must care a lot because I really did pay attention to that, but it’s always at the cost of something else. So that’s what I would tell friends about ADHD is, you know, just ask the question if something happens as an outcome, ask me if I meant it or did I know and probably I didn’t, but that’s okay.
What would you like to tell your parents about your ADHD?
Probably just the same, I’d like to tell my parents the same as everybody else in that it’s all fine and well to know that somebody struggles with something, but to then empathize with that and understand what the implications of that are is a totally different ballgame. I still haven’t managed to get that across to my parents at all, really. So, that’s something I would like help with. But, yeah, I mean, it’s hard to say things weren’t my fault. Because you need to be conscious and have responsibility for your own behaviours as well as, and that’s what makes this the line so blurred. Between, you know, negative behaviour and having ADHD, yes. It can sound like an excuse, I guess is what I’m trying to say there, and that’s something I’m keen to avoid. But, you know, I did need more support, and empathy. That’s a tough one, tough question for me, this. Yeah, I’d just like them to understand, and they definitely don’t understand, which is a shame.
If you could have a magic wand, would you entirely remove your ADHD?
It’s almost intertwined between who you are and what you do, and then the symptoms and the struggles. And it’s really hard to know, is that me? Is it that? I think I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that it’s one and the same. As in, if you waved a magic wand at me and removed, ADHD from me, I don’t know what you’d be left with. And I don’t like that. So I would probably, I’d probably keep. everything the same, because even through all the struggles and all pain, I still like who I am. And I guess the hardest thing to accept is that it won’t get better. You know, I can’t, no matter what I do, or how many books I read, or how many things that I do, I can’t improve on it. But I spent so long trying to, and I failed every time. Fail, fail, fail, fail. So, I guess, I’d like to get better at certain things. But I know I can’t. But if you remove them, that would take away the good stuff as well. And I know people say it’s a superpower and it’s this and that. I mean, I guess it could be. But I think that’s, that’s a massive
I feel like that’s kind of taken away from the negative bits as well, because if it’s a superpower, it’s like, you’re normal, and then there’s a really good bit. So, cool, but this is like, really good, but also really, really bad and difficult. And I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t go as far as calling it a superpower, without kind of acknowledging the fact that there’s some things that we really struggle with. So yeah, we might be good in some areas but are really kind of poor in other areas. So if it meant, I don’t think you can keep the good without having the bad there as well. Just because of how it’s, it’s your brain, it’s what you are, it’s who you are. And the thing I would want, wave a magic wand at, right, is to change the negative self talk and potentially have a more positive mindset about things. And I wish I could just forget or remove all the negativity that I’ve experienced over my life. That’s what I would remove because it is like a, it is like a tumor in your memory. This constant barrage of, never achieved full potential, Throwing it all away, you know, all these things like, you know, is it any wonder that I think I’m a miserable failure when the reality is I don’t think I am. Well, people told me I’m not. But how can I end up thinking anything else when that’s all I’ve been told for 33 years is fail, you know, underachiever. just the usual cliches that are thrown at people with ADHD. You know, it’s, it’s hard to lose that, so if I was to wave a magic wand, I would chop that, get rid of that, and give myself a clean slate to then go, no, you know, this is me, and this is what I’m good at, and this is what I’m not good at, and I don’t care about that, it’s fine. I’m going to focus on the good stuff, I’m going to acknowledge the bad stuff, and just try and manage and cope with that the best I can, and try and give myself an environment, and surround myself with positive people. That’s what I would keep if I waved a magic wand and that’s what I would get rid of as well. So, good question.
Tell us about one of your favourite ADHD strategies.
I have tried things. By God, I’ve tried things. You know, trying to put the keys in the same place and trying to put my wallet in the same place and it just doesn’t work. None of that stuff works for me. I am hopeless when it comes to, like, organisational. I feel like I’ve got so much in the tank because I work in sales. Management of my calendar and my time. I feel like that’s my only fuel tank. And then everything else is just going to fall apart. So in terms of strategies, I don’t really have one apart from one I discovered not so long ago. And this is by far and away the thing that’s made the biggest difference in my life. And I wish that somebody had told me that when I got my diagnosis and got put on my medication. No, I watched the video and there’s a lot of, there’s a lot of kind of debate about when to take your medication. And I know there’s different types of medication and they’ve all got different, rules around when you should, when you shouldn’t take it, how you should take it. But nobody really told me, I mean, even in the Concerta booklet, it just says, you know, take in the morning with or without food. And it’s like, okay, well, what is 8 in the morning? Is that 6 11? Like, with or without food? Okay. So to me, that’s so generic that I just was taking it. either five in the morning or just before lunch, you know, with coffee, coffee, coffee all the time. Nobody told me that was a terrible thing to do. You know, I was basically doing everything you shouldn’t do, but it didn’t say, don’t take it with a massive black coffee because your heart will probably explode. And that’s the way it felt for ages that, oh my God, this is just horrific. And some of the and all these other negative side effects that come in not taking your tablets properly.
So I saw a video on YouTube, or I’ve been researching on Reddit and stuff about how to to take Concert, then you’ve got Adderall and all the other ones that have different best ways of taking it, but somebody mentioned that, I think it was Russell, Russell Barclay said, take it in the morning with protein, right So I was like, okay, so what does that mean? And it was like a protein shake, you know, like chuckles of avocados and grapes and salads and stuff in a, in a blender, protein powder. Down the sheet, take the tablet, go up in the morning. Or eggs on toast, or sausage and beans, or, and I was like, oh god, that involves like cooking and planning and stuff, so, but I was like, look, I can’t keep having these side effects and the anxiety and the mood swings that would come from the cancer, so I thought, I’m going to do it, I’m going to do this, and I wondered how long I was going to keep it up for, and remove caffeine altogether from my diet. So it was like a, three things, was have breakfast at the exact same time, make it protein, and stop drinking caffeine. So did those three things. So I’ve been having, like I said, 8 o’clock in the morning, get up at the same time, have either a shake or a, you know, egg, sausages, bacon, whatever else, just, just to have that tablet.
And that one thing, by far and away, over above everything else, has had such a positive impact on my whole life, because if I can nail that bit, the rest of the day just follows. But I’ve spent just over three and a half years of mis, mistaking my tablets, but no key. told me any other, any different, that if I wanted to see the best out of their stuff, or even this is what it looks like, or this is what you should notice, and literally nothing. Then on my six month checkup, the first one I had was like, are you still alive? Great, keep taking them, but it was pathetic. So yeah, it’s a shame it took me this long to find that strategy, but over and above everything else, it’s taking my medication properly. has changed my life. Like, I feel like my side effects have almost gone now, so the insomnia don’t have it anymore. I had a cough, that’s pretty much disappeared. I had horrendous anxiety, felt like I was all over the place, had a horrible crash at the end of every day. So just that one tiny little change, and again, if that was in a booklet when they gave me this medication, I just think how far, much, much further on could I have been Because it felt like a world of tangles. Step back from the side effects and that was more of a distraction than actually learning what ADHD meant. It was more like, oh, these pills are messing with a lot of stuff. How do I, you know, in between I had holidays and that messed up my mental health and just like medication holidays. I’m sorry, but I had to go through a lot of stuff to get to that point. I just thought, I think I just said to the leaf, you know, take it in the morning, a couple of eggs, same thing every day, no need to take medication holidays. See if you go with that, and I just thought, I can’t believe that’s taken me like over three and a half years to get to the bottom of, and don’t drink caffeine because it makes it release quicker You know, I was, I was having a meditation, it was a massive bowl of sugar cereal because I’m a sugar addict, and and a massive cup of coffee, and it’s like, what should you not do? Basically that. So no wonder I had all these horrible side effects, but you know, just the damage that that then did each day and how low I would feel because of things that would happen throughout the day because the tablets weren’t working properly and just now it’s made so much of a difference doing, doing that thing. I’ve been doing it for about three weeks I think and I just feel like I’ve got everything together and I just thought, I was just keep thinking to myself like I can’t believe that wasn’t discussed but also I can’t believe I was taking medication and suffering with these side effects because the tablets weren’t working properly. So that, that’s, it’s not really an ADHD strategy per se, but For me, it’s allowed me to settle in and maximize the tablets and get the best out of them. And then from there on in, as long as I get the day right, I can cope with everything else. And to me, that’s huge because I live my life not coping with anything at all, ever It was constant meltdown mode, like fight or flight, the whole time. And that was really exhausting when you combine it with lack of sleep. Too much sugar, too much caffeine, it was just chaos, so erratic. And, I’m really glad I figured that out, or, you know, but again I had to be self, like I had to go and hunt that out, that information out, and it was trial and error, but it worked. So that, that to me, well it’s not really an ADHD strategy, it kind of is, because it’s allowed me to then cope, which is good. So that, that’s my favourite strategy, because it’s worked, and nothing else has.
What is the worst thing that has happened to you as a result of ADHD?
I mean how long have you got? It’s and again it’s a hard one to answer, because it’s like, was it that? Was it me? And if you, if you, if you look at it, does it mean the same thing? See, I’m not, I’m not sure because, because my life’s kind of done that, it’s been up and it’s been down, it’s been up and down and if the down hadn’t happened, the up wouldn’t have happened and, and vice versa. I mean, I totally take all the, you know, I left school without any qualifications and from, from a broken home. I now have a daughter from a broken home, so it’s the usual stuff you see in relation to people having ADHD and what their lives look like. But again, from, from those really bad things, really good things have happened. So, I probably wouldn’t, for the good things, I probably wouldn’t change the bad things. I know it’s a lot easier for me to say that now, in, in, you know, the peak of a good spell. But, yeah, I mean, it’s just the usual. The divorce, partner relationships, parents divorce, the usual stuff. And I think, when you said something about Bowie, I just kind of go, oh yeah, that stuff, that bad stuff, and it’s like life changing events, but to me, that’s probably a trauma thing, how I cope, and just go, it was always going to end that way, wasn’t it? Because, well, to me, isn’t it? So, and I reckon that’s what a lot of people do, is they just kind of expect everything to just turn to crap eventually just by virtue of that’s all that’s happened to them in their whole lives. But, yeah, I mean, there’s a number of things there but I wouldn’t really call it any too different from anybody else with ADHD.
I think some of the worst, the worst things are when something happens that you didn’t expect. Talk to other people, it was obvious. So like, well, it was obvious that you’re going to get fired from that job, but you genuinely didn’t see it coming. And that makes you question reality. And that makes you feel really alienated. So I think rather than looking at it as one particular thing, it’s like a constant flow. And I wish I could have the foresight to know doing this will result in that. And that’s something that people with ADHD really struggle with is. like the next steps of what’s going to happen and logically putting these behaviors or, you know, whatever you see, this is going to be a consequence of that because it just, it just doesn’t register. It’s just in the now, in the here and now, this is what I’m going to do. And that’s probably the worst thing about having ADHD. It’s not necessarily one terrible thing or that terrible thing. And now we find this more of a, when you exist in this world, not knowing the impacts of what you’re doing. and the consequences of what you’re doing really does make it quite alienating for the people around you as well.
So that’s probably the worst thing. That’s probably caused a lot of the worst things that’s happened. So that little thing right there is not, not knowing what next. And it gives you anxiety as well, because you’re like, shit, you know, have I done something in the past couple of weeks that’s in something totally catastrophic? Or when somebody does something, like, not reply back to you, you’re like, oh my god, what have I done? Like, have I, have I? And then your memory is like, all over the place, you don’t really have a good memory. It’s like, have I done something that I don’t even know I’ve done it? And that can leave you questioning reality as well, so. And that’s not a nice thing, because sometimes it’s totally fine, but you’re still thinking, oh, did something catastrophic, catastrophic like that happen? So, yeah, that’s. That’s probably the worst ongoing thing, but in terms of the worst things it’s the usual stuff.
What is the best thing that has happened to you because of ADHD?
So I wouldn’t really call it the best thing, but the best thing is the kind of constant drive to be curious about the world. I mean, the way that I like to interact, everything’s interesting to me and I can not be productive or not do stuff or not do like work stuff, but I can go and like, watch set in a park and like, and again, this is where the contradictions come in is like, I can go and sit in a park for like two hours and just watch like birds and insects and the way the grass moves and the, you know, the trees blowing the wind and all that. But then you, why would somebody with ADHD have the, you know, you can’t concentrate on it, you can’t focus on it, then how could you sit still in a park? Because it’s interesting. And that’s what people don’t get, I think, is. like hyper interested in the way things work, the way things are, the way things exist, and to me that’s led me to a lot of good things. It’s like, you know, good choices in career, relationships, doing things on holidays, even being out on the street, like I enjoy living, everything’s like interesting, and I think like if I didn’t live life that way I think I’d be very bored. I know that sounds like a total, again, a total like contradiction of what we’re talking about here, but to me the best things that have happened to me as a result of that has been my curiosity and my interest and just wanting to know that bit more about that instead of just going yeah well you know the that red car is a red car fine you know but why is it a red car and why did they pick a red car all these sort of then questions that then follow that that can lead you to total you call it a rubble if you want but but just finding things out about the world and that to me makes it a very interesting place to be Is it useful? I don’t really care. To me it is, but it does lead you to have like some fascinating conversations with people and really meet interesting people and hear about their stories and your imagination just gets all caught up in it and you want to know more and do that thing and all this stuff and then, you know, I don’t watch TV really. I don’t sit on the sofa and relax, or do the things that people need to unwind. It’s, For me, what unwinding is, it’s just finding or engaging my, my curiosity. And that’s why the idea to me is sitting in a cubicle for eight hours a day is hell because there’s nothing stimulating there. I mean, I can’t get ideas from that. I can’t, nothing is distracting me. You know, I’d work so much better if my desk was in the middle of a park because it’s inspirational and things are distracting and that causes you to catch something that you either wouldn’t have noticed because when you’re not in the zone and you’re not focusing on anything interesting. It’s nothing, it’s just silence. And it’s, that’s the worst thing ever. You know, it really is just sitting there just, you’re not, I mean you’re in a, you’re not daydreaming, it’s just nothing. And avoiding that nothing is my drive to, to live with me. It’s but I like that. I think that’s quite, quite fun because it keeps you interested in things. And that’s probably some of the best things in my life happened to me because of my ADHD and that drive to know more and that kind of not being scared to ask that question, which sometimes is a bad thing, but, or do that thing that you kind of wanted to, the no filter thing is a good thing and a bad thing, but, so I guess some of the worst things and some of the best things have happened to me because of my ADHD, but also because of me. And that’s a bad thing and a good thing. And again, it’s back to that question about weaving the wand. It’s, Yeah, it’s, it’s hard to put it down into one thing. It’s more of an experience, rather than that thing or that thing or that thing. So yeah, you know, I hate it and I love it at the same time. It’s, I wouldn’t, definitely wouldn’t call it a superpower in that respect. Because as much as it’s good, it’s bad as well. And then you’ve got yourself thrown in the middle of that. But like I say. Some of the worst things and the best things have happened to me, kind of, because of my ADHD. I really wouldn’t have had them or experienced them if I hadn’t had it. And that makes that one question a really difficult one to answer, because would you sacrifice the good for the bad? And then I thought, then I’d just have a normal life. Anyone wants to have that, right? Not me. So, yeah, that’s me and my ADHD.